Deflection

Ugh, last day of vacation.  When I was young and my commuting method was a seat-less bicycle, I can remember my mom getting depressed as the end of vacation approached.  My brother Terry and I learned our lesson.  As the last day drew near we would give mom a wide berth.  I didn’t fully understand it then, but I sure do now.  Thankfully Tammy’s patients pool is large enough water ski in.

Here’s the scenario.  You are driving in the right lane coming up on an exit.  Traveling in her 2009 Chrysler Town and Country,  Janet, mother of 3, frustrated fashion critique and full-time chatter box is 2 car lengths in front of you in the center lane.  Janet is having a scintillating phone conversation with her neighbor Janine about the hideous combination of her purple gardening gloves and yellow sun hat (with horrid green flowers).  You see, she’s been wearing it in front yard and it’s totally destroying property values in the neighborhood.  All three offspring are in the rear of the van.  The two youngest are engaged in a journeyman game of “stop touching me” while the pre-teen sinks slowly into his 6th hour of the day receding from society behind a pair of headphones.

 Suddenly Janet performs an Indy style pit manuever, cutting you off, crossing the gore point and squeezing the van into a space that just a millisecond prior was so small that you are now sure you’ve just witnessed a Fringe like annulment of known physical laws.  It takes 10 minutes for the adrenaline to work its way through your system before your brain starts to replay the event.

I’m not sure about you, but one of the things that occurs to me at this point (and usually comes out of my mouth in some way) is “what was that person thinking?”  The inevitable conclusion is that Janet was distracted and had missed her exit.  I know there is an apparent contradiction here.  She would say she was “about to miss” and I say “missed” the exit.  No, this isn’t another sci-fi metaphor to describe two ways to observe the same event.  Janet missed the exit.  Rather than simply go to the next exit, she chose to endanger everyone around her, including her own children, to avoid the inconvenience of altering her route.

If you’ve spent any time on the freeway you’ve experienced this scenario in some variation.  If not this specific scenario, I’m sure you have your own Janet like experiences.  It’s a common theme that plays out in various ways.  If this strikes a chord with you, why does it? 

In reality we all have “Janet-esque” moments.  Ok, I can’t say I’ve gone full-blown Janet very often, but I certainly have my share of “Janet Junior” trophies on my mantle.  I know when it happens to me my first response is defensive.  “I was distracted”.  Thats usually followed with rationalizations in the vein of my arrival time being important enough to justify the behavior.  I’m betting you can drudge up a few of your own moments if you try.

So what’s up with all this?  Granted that those at the full on Janet edge have an extra helping of what ever this is, but even the most reasonable of us have some glimmer of it.  I think there’s a clue in the paragraph above.  You’ll notice that I said “when it happens to me”.  This never “happens” to us.  We aren’t victims of some sort global mind control conspiracy or suffering from a disease that causes wild jerking motions in our arms when we are late for an appointment.  The truth is that these things happen as the result of 1 or more really terrible decisions.

 Janet chose to swerve for the exit.  That decision was influenced by the choice to be gabbing on her cell phone and compounded by the choice not to plan her day properly.  We shouldn’t be surprised though.  Deflecting the responsibility for personal choice onto external factors is all the rage these days.

Society, and by society I’m (sadly) referring largely to the media, encourages us to look at all kinds of bad decisions and choices as the results of external forces.  Addiction isn’t the end result of people’s poor choices with alcohol and drugs.  The addict is a victim of  an “epidemic“.  Criminals are the product of a bad childhood or genetic predisposition not foolish decisions seeded in selfishness.  If we can be convinced to look outside the actor for the cause of these actions it should come as no surprise that deflecting responsibility for our behavior has become a reflexive response.

I know that some of you who have experience with addiction are going to depart from me on this one.  Keep in mind that I’m not talking about how you treat addiction.  I understand that treating it as if it were a disease has been effective at helping people to recover.  What I’m saying is that treating it like a disease isn’t the same as saying it is a disease.  People don’t get infected with addiction, it starts with a choice. 

I know I’m bucking the trend here and I won’t gain any ground with some.  It’s probably an unreasonable expectation to ask people to return to an assumption of personal responsibility before deflecting and pointing fingers.  So I know that I’ll make some people angry with my point of view.  All I can do is apologize and say forgive me but you see “The devil made me do it”.

Don’t drive angry!  Drive weird!